These Are Not My Children

They think it is so funny when

They flatten my new hat

They think they are so clever

When they try to dress the cat

They hide my car keys and my shoes

They kick and scream and fuss

And when do their homework

They leave it on the bus

But these are not my children;

My kids are polite

I think someone switched them

In the middle of the night

My kids never leave their clothes

In piles on the floor

And when they use the bathroom

They always close the door

My kids are so well behaved;

They never ever fight

They're patient and obedient

And are extremely bright

But these are not my children;

My kids are polite

I think someone switched them

In the middle of the night

My kids listen when I speak

They follow every rule

My kids do not yell at me

They're never late for school

My kids don't drop cookie crumbs

When they eat a snack

My kids wear clean underwear;

My kids don't talk back

But these are not my children;

My kids are polite

I think someone switched them

In the middle of the night

But these are not my children;

My kids are polite

I think someone switched them

In the middle of the night